hallelujah

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the

mighty hand of God

so that at the proper time He may exalt you,

casting all your anxieties on him,

because He cares for you.

Be sober-minded, be watchful.

Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion,

seeking someone to devour. 

Resist him, firm in your faith, 

knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being 

experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.

And after you have suffered a little while, 

the God of all grace, 

who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ,

will Himself

restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen."

1 Peter 5:8-11

 

the eleventh hour

I became a Christian when I was really young. I think I was about six years old. This weight-lifting, phonebook-ripping, ice-smashing clan of strong men and women who love Jesus, called "The Power Team", came to my church, wowed me by their big muscles and then told me about the Gospel of Christ. Though I was small, I knew that I wanted Jesus in my heart. It was simple. My parents are believers and we'd always prayed together and talked about Jesus openly. After that, I would raise my hand to accept Jesus in my heart nearly every week at Sunday School, until my parents finally told me that Jesus would stay in my heart forever and that I didn't have to ask him to come back every week. Amen to that!

Truthfully, I've lived a spiritually rich life ever since... a lot of ups and downs and discoveries and disappointments, but Jesus has consistently been near to me throughout all, and I have known that.

I love hearing testimonies of individuals who have been far from religion and faith for most of their lives and then, through some crazy revelation, find that God is real and that Jesus is worth following. It's amazing! I never had that kind of story, but I love to hear them. My story is important too, it's just different.

I used to wonder if there was any sort of special "reward" for loving Jesus longer than everyone else. It sounds absolutely absurd, of course, but I really thought it. I was happy that they became Christians, but secretly I felt like Jesus and I had some deal made where he would bless me more, lift me higher, let me be more of a leader, help me be a super-Christian. And he has blessed me incredibly! But not just me, and certainly not because I was a Christian ages ago. Our Father doesn't work that way.

In Matthew 20, Jesus is talking to his disciples about this very thing. He tells a parable about a house-master hiring workers to work in the fields, promising them a day's wages for it. Hours later, after the sun has gone down and the bulk of tough work has finished already (the eleventh hour of the day), he hires on more laborers and then pays them the same amount of day's wages. Those hired first grumbled at the injustice of this saying, "These last worked only one hour and you have made them equal to us who who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat", to which the master replies, 'Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you agree with me for your day's wages? Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this last worker as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?'.

So the last will be first, and the first last.

It's not unfair. 

He can do whatever he wants.

I have absolutely no entitlement to anything at all. 

In fact, I have more responsibility, more to own up to. 

"So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, 

but only God who gives the growth.

He who plants and he who waters are one, 

and each will receive his wages according to his labor.

For we are all God's fellow workers. 

You are God's field, God's building.

According to the grace of God given to me, 

like a skilled master I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it.

Let each one take care how he builds upon it...

Now if anyone builds on the foundation with

gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw--

each one's work will become manifest,

for the Day will disclose it, 

because it will be revealed by fire,

and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done.

If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, 

he will receive a reward.

If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss,

though he himself will be saved,

but only as through fire.

1 Corinthians 3:7-15

Dude. 

That's heavy

and beautiful.

A lot to think about.

How do I react to those who are brought into the Kingdom at the eleventh hour? Am I gracious?

And how am I taking care of all that is being built upon the foundation that was laid down decades ago on my heart? Would I be ready to account for it all today, if I had to?

   

who I am

"Identity is something which must be understood intuitively,

rather than in terms of provable fact.

An infinite question is often destroyed by finite answers.

To define everything is to annihilate much that gives laughter and joy.

If I try self-consciously to become a person, I will never be one."

-Madeline L'Engle

knowing who made my story

Last night I went and saw The Story, a musical touring show about the stories in the Bible which, together, piece together the Story of God and us. It brought to life the stories of Esther, Job, Mary, Jesus... I felt like I was seeing their lives play out in front me, and I was reminded of how very real that part of history is. The fact that I was so surprised by the reality of their life stories frightened me. I should know them, if I call myself a Christian sister to them. If their stories are what made my story and the story of my faith-- everything that I rest myself upon-- then I should certainly know them. 

prep-work

I've been making lists upon lists the past four days, all in preparation for the big day of Thanksgiving. For some reason, I allow myself to unnecessarily stress out over grocery lists, menus, getting out the china, crafting up pretty decorations, setting up Christmas/fall things, etc. I shouldn't have to be so caught up in it all, but I do. For one, I just love planning things. Lists are my bread and butter. I could write lists all day long, and it really doesn't matter whether I cross things off of them or not. I just write them. 

As I prepare though, I've been getting a bit edgy. That's the nature of over-planning. It works the opposite way that I want it to, always. I prepare because I think it will bring peace to my plans, but instead it invites anxiety into them. Get outta there! 

 So now I'm inviting in peace, for real. 
I will choose to ask Jesus to be my Lord and my Lover. 
I will choose to PRAISE You and be fully joy-full today!
I will choose to be gracious to my family and earnestly selfless towards them as they come and enter into my crazy world here. I just need to let go and be glad for today and for the beauty of holidays and family-togetherness. 

Today is a good, grand day :)
 

jam sesh.

So here's where I realize that I do, in fact, have problems giving my time to the Lord. I've spent all day doing all sorts of errands and exercises and crafts and conversations... and then suddenly, it's 11:48pm, and I still haven't had time with just the Lord, in the Word. I will be more proactive about that tomorrow, no matter what the day brings my way.

However, I did have an awesome worship session on my way to my Pure Barre class, jammin out to this song, full blast:

HALLELUJAH for good christian music :)
 

shh..

"Better is a handful of quietness

than two hands full of toil

and a striving after wind."

Ecclesiastes 4:6

 

why don't you say so?

It's okay to be totally joyful! To be excited even, about a DAY with the Lord Himself!

As I did my yoga this morning, I just randomly threw on some music from my Spotify playlist "take a breath, let it go"... and instead of some slow, thought-provoking songs, there was some really fun techno that came on. What a fun way to start the day :) 

This morning, I feel the Lord saying to me, "hey, if you're excited about what I've done for you, about the joy that you feel, then say so! Tell me and tell the world! That's how Good I am."

In Psalm 107 it says,

"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, 

for his steadfast love endures forever!

Let the redeemed of the Lord say so,

whom he has redeemed from trouble

and gathered in from the lands, 

from the east and from the west, 

from the north and from the south."

 Our Good, Awesome God has extended himself so far to redeem those whom he loves (me included). Be glad. Let a good day be a good day. Don't hide my reason for joy to anyone.

transformational

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed by this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is good and acceptable and perfect."

(Romans 12:1-2)

And as I continue to read on in Romans 12, there is statement upon statement of what it actually looks like to be a True Christian. 

What is my joy and what is my spiritual worship and what makes me a Christian? They should all be one in the same. Technically speaking. But if I do not currently "rejoice in hope" or am not "patient in tribulation" or "constant in prayer"... then something's not right, as a Christian. There's always something 'not right', though isn't there? Because of the fall of man we're all so imperfectly human. But! That is why Paul makes such a direct and clear point of pleading for us to not be conformed to this world, because it's way too easy to do that. It's our natural inclination, because we are in this world. However, God has enabled us to actually be spiritually transformed by Him. Into what He has said mandates the marks of a True Christian. 

I don't have the ability to transform myself into a more lovely woman after God's heart. I can seek Him, but I cannot transform myself. My yucky, selfish, unmotivated, disbelieving, blind self. To be actually transformed into a Christian (day after day) requires supernatural power, which is only available through the Holy Spirit. So Paul says to present yourself as a living sacrifice to God. Just present yourself. That is all. Be ready for Him. Be available for the Holy Spirit to transform you. 

I want to be able to rejoice in hope, to be patient in tribulation, to be constant in prayer, to live in harmony with one another, to let love be genuine, to weep with those who weep, to feed my enemy. But I truly cannnot at this point. Sometimes, when I'm having a really awesome day, I can. But days like today, when I'm kinda sleepy, my muscles are sore, and I feel overwhelmed by what it means to be a Christian... I cannot. 

So I'll present myself as a living sacrifice today. And I'll do it tomorrow, and the tomorrow after that. This isn't a one day deal. I won't be transformed once and then WAM BAM I'm suddenly a super-Christ-follower. No, every day I have to do this. Spend time in quiet, breathing deeply as a prayer, offering up my heart to the Lord as I meditate on His word, asking for Him to uproot the parts of me that have conformed to the world (show me what they are) and then asking him to transform, re-make, cleanse, and strengthen me into a child of God after His dear heart. 

redeemer of absolutely everything

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her,

and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.
And there I will give her vineyards
and make the Valley of Achor (where Joshua was cursed) a door of hope. 
And there she shall answer
as in the days of her youth,
as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt. "

(Hosea2:14-15)

She was away from Lord, in a place marked with a sign of curse, and everything, including her race, is telling her that she is not fit for the Kingdom of God. She was not born as a princess of the Kingdom, but she came to love the Lord in her youth. And then she was lost. She was told to walk this way and that way, follow Baal. Be everything: or you're not successful in this place. She loved promises-- committing to people, friends, loved ones-- giving her all. She had a lot of love to give. But of what well did she dip into to receive more love to give? Someone switched the water. Someone moved the path. Surely it couldn't have been by choice that she began to dip into the homemade pond out back of her own home, rather than the well that was flowing with the spring of Life, placed there by the Lord? That well was a walk. It took effort to get there, and when she needed more to give, she needed it now. 

"Those who were not my people, I will call 'my people,

and her who was not beloved, I will call 'beloved'.

And in the place where it is said to them, 'You are not my people',

there they will be called, 'sons of the Living God'."
(Romans 9:25-26)

He is my redeemer.

He restores me to a place of rest when I don't deserve it, in a place that is cursed and jaded. 

Hallelujah to this God, who I call My God.

He has brought me into this wilderness with purpose-- he has a direction to woo me into his vineyards, into his names for me (Beloved), and it is Here that I belong.