yours

My dear Jesus,

Why is it so easy for me to block you out? Why is it so easy to just 'do my own thing'? Why can't I desire you now as much as I've desired you in the past? I desire to desire you again. From the pit of my soul, Lord, I want to need you. But I must tell you, that I'm afraid of that prayer. I'm afraid of you, and of all of your glory. You are so good and magnificent and righteous, and in comparison to you, Lord, I am dust. Fleeting, dirt-grey dust. You-- you are the glory of sunlight, baby's giggles, treacherous mountain peaks, thunder. What or who could ever compare to you? I am so unworthy of your saving Grace. But yet you saved me-- I cannot even comprehend the meaning of that. You. Saved. Me. From... death, sin, slavery. Those were supposed to be mine. Because of the fall of man, I was sentenced to death. Your creation deserved death. But, Lord, how you love us! You love me. You wanted me. You chose to die for me. And yet... here I sit, contemplating why it is so easy for me to disobey you and fall into sin time and time again. It shouldn't be so easy for me to simply not think of you, to only think of myself. You are so great. So good. Jesus, sweet Jesus, please captivate my heart and keep me in the shadow of your wings. I desire you to be my everything. And I love you, I truly do love you so much. I cannot wait for the day that I can bow down and kiss your feet and cry for joy in your arms.

"I seek You

with all my heart;

do not let me stray

from Your commands.

I have hidden Your Word in my heart

that I might not sin against You."

Psalm 119:10-11